I know this blog is mainly about homeschooling, but occasionally I like to write about family, holidays,
marriage and other things. Ultimately marriage, kids, home life, schooling they all effect one another so they're all related anyway. Right?
So, about six months ago my husband and I started dating! Saying the words sounds a bit silly. We've been married 12 and 1/2 years now. Isn't dating something people do to get to know each other...something single people do? I would say we know each other pretty well by now. We know each other better than anyone else in the world knows us, so why date?
Well, first let me start by saying I love my husband. He is my very best friend. There is something miraculous that happens when two people get married. The Bible says that they become one flesh. My husband is not just someone I love, he will forever be part of me. God views the marriage relationship as so sacred, that he uses marriage as an example of his relationship with the church (his bride!)
When you're first married and in the honeymoon stages it's so easy. We use to do crazy spontaneous things! One night we got cravings for donuts at midnight and decided to drive to Crispy Cream in the middle of the night. We sat in the parking lot stuffing our faces and laughing. Many times on his day off we would go get breakfast while the rest of the world was just going to bed. About a year after we were married we jumped in the car and decided to drive 3 hours with no plans. We ended up in Niagara falls and spent 3 days there. That's still one of our best memories. We were adventurous, fun, and in love.
Then something happened. Real life happened. Hard years came. Years with hardly any money, layoffs, infertility struggles, tiredness, the loss of a child, times when we didn't know what we were gonna do, and hard decisions. God blessed us with children! Then came the sleepless nights, worry, loudness, endless toys and messes, and schooling...life definitely changes when you have kids. I wouldn't trade it for the world. They are my greatest blessing in life and bring me so much joy. Through it all my husband and I have stayed close, but life is definitely different than it was 12 years ago, not bad, just different. Now we have to be responsible and be grown ups. It's harder to be spontaneous. It's easy to put the kids before time together. It's easy to be so busy and distracted that you forget to be "in love." Sometimes marriages take second seat to work, school, kids, and bills. Having quality time doesn't come as easily as it once did, now it has to be on purpose.
So why did we start dating? Well it started on our 12th anniversary. We always go to eat for our anniversary, although for many years including the previous 2 we've had a baby who we end up having to take along. This year it was just us. We decided to go to a nice restaurant and a movie (it's rare that there is a movie at the theater that we will watch, but there happened to be a good clean one playing.) At dinner all of a sudden it occurred to us that it was really quiet...the quiet was almost scary!!! There was no one throwing food at us or anyone needing to use the bathroom! We talked without screaming over anyone. It was so peaceful! After dinner we held hands. I said "This is the first time I remember holding hands in a long time. We never have a free hand! In fact we never have enough hands, we're out numbered! We enjoyed the movie and we talked about all the fun we use to have together. We even played some games together in the arcade. We were having fun! Then the light bulb went off...We NEED to have fun together! Family fun is not the same as dating fun. We NEED quality grown up time. We NEED to date like we did before we had kids. Our marriage and our sanity NEED a break from the chaos, loudness, and craziness that comes with having a family. One day the girls will be gone and have their own families. Then it will just be the two of us again. We don't want to wait until our best years are gone, to realize that we need each other. We went home and made a list of ideas for date nights. I made a list of fun expensive dates that I'd hope to be able to do someday, as well as really cheap dates for when we're broke. We made a commitment to at least try to go on a date once a month from now on...The past 6 months we've tried new food and experiences, played putt-putt golf (something we did a lot of on our honeymoon), we've also just taken long walks and gotten ice-cream. I feel closer since we started this and less stress even with having some quiet time to look forward to. I believe that this was God speaking to us. He wants us to have strong happy marriage, but that doesn't just happen. Having a strong relationship with someone takes real work and effort. It takes forgiveness and patience. It takes being willing to listen even when you don't like what the other has to say. It takes humility and admitting your mistakes. It takes putting someone else before yourself. It takes purposely making time for your spouse and making them a top priority in your life.
So, I wanted to share this to encourage you to DATE YOUR SPOUSE! I know everyone is at different place in their relationship. No matter how many years you've been married, no matter how much money you have, or even if your marriage is struggling...try dating your spouse. If you can't find a babysitter or are at a place in life where you can't afford to go out...try putting the kids to bed early and have a date night at home. Make time for each other!
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